Sins of Our Fathers
by Kirabaros
Summary: Gideon was ordered to kill Connor but how did that really make him feel? Gideon tells about the aftermath while Connor is recuperating from his injuries after that last battle at Atlas.


**Sins of Our Fathers**

Light and dark. Two opposites. Light was good and dark was bad. The same shite that they taught brats. The truth was there was no such thing. There were only shades of grey and the sins laid bare, with one standing out all above the rest.

 _Gideon… what the… fuck?_

Gideon took a swig of his, he had no fucking clue how many beers that was, now opened beer and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Oh yeah he had his sins and drank those away ages ago. This is for his greatest one. Because he had to fucking follow orders.

 _Nothing. Just a little recon though I really don't know why Irons gives a shite._

 _Should have gone to R &D then. Then you'd be paid to think._

 _And miss all the fun, Giddy?_

Gideon leaned against the wall, pressing his forehead to his forearm and heaved a heavy breath and muttered, "How many times I told you not to call me that?"

 _Once every day and twice on Sunday, old man._

Gideon straightened up and punched the wall. It wasn't hard but it hurt. All he did was take another swig of his beer to find it empty. He tipped it to find it completely dry and swore. He calmed down a little when he realized he knew where to find more. Stumbling slightly, he made his way to where he knew the cabinet was open. After all there were more to this sin to drink away.

The bar let him drink and the tender was too scared to cut him off. Gideon didn't give a fuck about that. All he cared about was that the alcohol keep coming and it better be the hard stuff. He looked at the glass filled with the amber liquid and held it up in a silent salute before downing it and slamming the glass on the counter. He rambled to himself, "Least I'm no lightweight like you mate."

He was just pouring another glass when the door opened and a group of fellow Atlas operators walked in. Gideon ignored them since he didn't give a fuck and they weren't on his team anyway. As long as they let him drink then he didn't give a fuck what they did. He picked up the glass and held it in his hand and swirled the liquid around.

"Hey, look at what we have here."

Gideon ignored the voice. He took a sip of his whiskey. He still had the bottle but he wanted to make it last a little longer. He finally downed it in a gulp. He took a breath as he relished the burn of the alcohol down his throat. He gave a sigh of satisfaction.

"Hey Gideon. Heard about what you did today."

Gideon ignored the person again and waved the bartender over and demanded a Guinness. He finished off the bottle of whiskey by pouring it in his glass. He held it up and downed it faster than any other drink he had in his life. He held out his hand and the Guinness slid right in. He wrapped his hand around the bottle and looked at it.

"Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Leave him alone, Jackson. Rough day."

"Just wanted to congratulate the guy who took down a traitor."

Gideon slammed his fist down. He turned and looked at the one called Jackson. He noted his buddy Lucas and figured he was the smart one. He eyed Jackson with a look that made the adage true. It was enough to melt lead and then some. He picked up the bottle and held it in is hand as he pointed at Jackson, "You think that is something to celebrate?"

The silence was deafening as the patrons who were minding their own business were now watching and Jackson was quiet. Gideon ignored them and stood up, wobbling slightly. He walked right up and got in Jackson's face and said, "You don't know shite." He turned to head back to his seat, "Pisspot don't know a damn thing."

Gideon looked to the side. He could see his friend sitting there looking at him with that look that said he was a lousy drunk. He pointed at him, unaware that he was pointing at thin air. "Shut it, Hayfield. It's not like you know any better."

"The man's a drunk," Jackson laughed, "And he took down someone who betrayed us." He made a sound of disgust. He started to walk away when he heard something. He turned and asked, "What did you say?"

Gideon had turned back in his seat and was hunched over the bar. He raised his bottle and said, "Can't believe you like this piss, Hayfield. Then again it is better than the wanker that thinks he knows what it means to do the job." He glanced at Jackson and muttered what he said under his breath earlier, "Such a fucking pansy. Couldn't take a shite without fawning over someone." He chuckled to himself as he raised the bottle for another drink.

It was quick when the fist flew and caught Gideon across the jaw. The punch didn't mean anything but it knocked over his Guinness. He took a look at the spilled alcohol and then looked at Jackson and back at the liquid. When he turned back, he had a punch that he delivered smack on the cheek and sent the man back a bit. He warned, "That was for spilling my best mate's drink."

Before anything else could be done, Jackson had body tackled Gideon and started punching him out. Everyone else was shouting. Gideon returned fire and with a vengeance. He shoved Jackson off of him and got to his feet and charged. He started swinging his fists. All he saw was red and heard a voice that tore at him as he kept swinging.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Ilona, having been ex-Spetznaz, was used to sleeping through noise. It came with the territory; the ability to catch rack time when you could no matter how odd. Sleep was a luxury and it was fully embraced when she returned to Atlas HQ. So she was content with ignoring the caterwauling she was hearing and figured it was Joker or one of the other operators that decided to come serenade the women. Like they would have any luck. She was even prepared to ignore the pounding on her door until she heard who it was doing the pounding.

 _Ilona, since when do you shut the door on me. Ilona!_

Ilona heard Gideon's voice and other things coming out ranging from absurd to actual bellowing of orders from past missions. She made her way to the door and took a breath. She had seen Gideon drunk before but the sounds she was hearing was different. Another round of pounding came on the door.

 _Ilona… need to talk. I fucked up._

Ilona rolled her eyes. Gideon could be a dumbass and he was the one that was strict with the fraternizing. She shook her head and opened her door. She was prepared to let him have it and he wouldn't forget it since she did have a reputation when it came to interrogation and an ass chewing. New recruits never forgot that. The sight though had her pause and for about two minutes she was speechless.

Gideon was standing, well leaning was more like it, against the doorframe. In one hand he was holding a bottle of whatever it was. It looked like stuff that Joker kept and that stuff was potent. The man was breathing heavily like he had ran all the way there but he looked like he went through a sim and was chewed up and spit out. She noticed the red patches of skin on his face, the fat lip and the bloodied knuckles.

Ilona took in the scene. She had never seen Gideon look like this and she didn't know what to think. She just stood there.

"Well you gonna invite me in or not?"

Ilona looked at the drunk man and then outside. As much fun as it would be to get Gideon locked up to dry out, she could sense that there was more to it. He was not known for getting drunk and into fights. She motioned him in, "Come on. Get in."

"Don't be bossy you nag," Gideon stumbled in, refusing a hand in. He swayed a little and still managed to hold onto the bottle. "You got a couple of glasses?" He held up the bottle.

"No. Gideon…"

"Your loss then." Gideon opened the bottle and took a long pull. He made a face but grinned. "Now that hits the spot." He started moving around and inspecting Ilona's room.

"Gideon, what are you doing here?" Ilona thought it best to bite the bullet.

Gideon was still inspecting the room. "Room inspection," he replied. He stumbled along the wall like he was doing one before pausing by the window. He looked out at the night and saw the buildings below. He leaned forward and his forehead panged against the glass with a thump.

Ilona winced and thought that Gideon was going to crash out of her window and kill himself. She started to run until she heard the glassy thump. Irons had invested in the thick glass so it would take a lot of force to break but you never knew. At least Gideon was still in the room and was standing. Most of his weight though was concentrated on his forehead and his eyes were looking straight ahead. She watched as he raised a hand and rested his forearm against the glass.

"Deed is done, Ilona."

Ilona frowned at that, "What deed? Gideon, what are you talking about?" She took a hesitant step forward, not wanting to provoke him.

"Fucked up," Gideon babbled. "Fucked up good. And the twisted fuck gave me the order." He pressed his forehead against the glass. "Twisted arse Gaetz gave the order."

Ilona figured it had to do with the last mission Gideon had been sent on. He had been ordered to go with someone who wasn't on his team and track down some rogue operator or something like that. She didn't know the details. Only ones with a high enough clearance were given the details. "Gaetz? What does he have to do with it?"

"Everything," Gideon grunted out in frustration. "He gave the fucking order." He pounded his fist against the glass making it thump. "Should have known. Should have fucking known. Fucking knew it."

"Gideon."

"Should have said something." Gideon pounded the glass again. The thumping irritated his head but he kept at it. "I fucking knew it and I did it anyway."

"What did you do?" Ilona hadn't meant to shout but Gideon was not responding to anything else. It then occurred to her to go with what was on his mind. She repeated herself since Gideon was still pounding the glass and saying that he knew it, "Gideon! What did you do?"

It then became eerily quiet as Gideon gave a halfhearted thump to the glass and leaned into it. The bottle dropped from his hand and landed with a clank but didn't break. Ilona watched him, not sure of what he was going to do. It completely surprised her when his shoulders started to shake or rather tremble since he was resisting.

"I killed him."

That was vague and Ilona needed more information. Hell she should probably go and grab Hayfield if he was back since he knew what to do with a drunk Gideon. As it were, it was only her. She made to prompt Gideon for more but she didn't need to.

"I killed Hayfield, Ilona."

It sounded like the beginnings of the worst joke ever. Ilona just stood there looking at Gideon. She couldn't believe that. Hayfield and Gideon were best friends or more like your worst nightmare depending on the situation. There was no way that Gideon would kill his best friend unless… She paused and thought about it to the last time they were together before they went out on their missions. She started putting the pieces together and she looked sharply at Gideon, "You mean…"

Gideon turned around to face Ilona. He looked at her with a bleak expression. Broken was a better word. "I killed him, Ilona," he repeated as he took a couple of steps forward. "I killed my best friend because I was fucking ordered to."

Ilona looked away and then heard a click. She looked back up and saw Gideon holding a handgun. She raised her hands, "Gideon… don't."

"Don't what? Shoot you? Fuck that." He started pointing it at himself.

"Don't."

"And why not? I killed him. Blew a fucking hole in his chest. And you wanna know why?" Gideon looked at Ilona as he nearly shouted, "Because he was the rogue operative. How fucked is that?"

Ilona knew that had to get the gun away from Gideon. "It is fucked up but you didn't know that when you went." She moved to try and gently take the gun away.

Gideon growled and sidestepped. He lowered the gun but he was still in a position to shoot. "Oh yeah I didn't fucking know. Fuck that. Knew something was up when we were sent to where Hayfield was sent. And Gaetz had the bloody nerve to say that we were his backup." He stooped to pick up the bottle he dropped and somehow managed to open it. He took a pull and continued, "Then he tells me that our orders were to dispose of a liability. Hayfield's not a fucking liability!"

Ilona was ex-Spetznaz and few things scared her. Seeing Gideon throw the bottle in a fit of rage and it smashing against the wall was enough to make her jump. She was a mixture of emotions herself since Hayfield was her friend too. There was no way that he was a liability. Right now though, she had to focus on Gideon and talk him down since he was now pounding the wall with his fist and still holding the gun. "I know that and you know that."

"And what fucking good is it? I killed my best friend. I _betrayed_ him. I saw it!"

Ilona held up her hands to calm Gideon down but he seemed to reach a boiling point. She spoke softly, "Gideon…"

"I saw the look in his eyes," Gideon turned to face Ilona. He brought the gun to inspect it in his hands. He moved his hands expertly despite the fact that he was piss drunk. "Saw it when Gaetz sent me to confirm. Barely alive and I had to finish it." He pointed the gun at the floor and stared at it. "But I couldn't. I left him there." He lowered his arm in defeat.

"He could still be…"

"He's dead, Ilona," Gideon interrupted angrily. "He's dead," he repeated in a softer tone. "And that pisspot Jackson thought it was a good thing." He flipped the safety on and tossed it onto the floor away from him. Slowly he slid down until he was sitting against the wall.

Ilona watched as the fire ran out and Gideon sunk to the floor. She blinked when he started to sob. She moved towards him and kneeled beside him. "I am not blaming you," she said after taking a moment to find the right words. "I am… I am angry. Not at you but at what Irons said."

"Maybe he did turn rogue, Ilona," Gideon sobbed, "But that shouldn't have made a difference. I shouldn't have done it."

Ilona looked down at the floor and then around the room. She was going to have a mess to clean up in the morning but that was nothing. She could be angry with the man sobbing on her floor next to her and she was but she was also in disbelief and saddened. They both had lost someone but it was weighing heavily on Gideon. Atlas operators were known for bouncing back. Ilona didn't know if Gideon was ever going to be able to. She would just have to be there and get him through each day since they still had a job to do. She gave a gentle pat on the man's shoulder and moved to sit with him side by side in the dark.

* * *

Gideon shifted in his seat while still leaning on the back of the chair and looked at his best mate. The chessboard was forgotten for the moment as he looked at his friend sitting there and staring at him. Maybe he had done the wrong thing. After all he had come in here to cheer his friend up since he was stuck in a hospital room with a cast on his left and his right was padded beyond ridiculous for the gunshot wound that he had gotten in their escape from Atlas and aggravated when he decided to use his grapple to save him.

It was supposed to be a chess match with the usual but the talk turned to what happened and Gideon opened his big mouth about what happened. He knew that it was because he mentioned he felt like he did four years ago and he had to indulge Connor's prompting for more. Now he was sitting there and Connor was looking at him with a look that either meant he wanted to kill Gideon or worse. Gideon was thinking the latter and waited for the ax to fall across his neck.

"So you trashed Ilona's room? You've got balls on you. And you were drunk."

Gideon blinked at that, "What?"

Connor grinned as he continued, "I know Comrade would have kicked your ass for doing what you did. You know she nailed me."

Gideon shook his head at what he was hearing. When it clicked he asked, "Are you telling me that all you have to say about that is that I had balls and you're impressed by it?"

"Pretty much," Connor replied after pretending to think about it.

Gideon scowled, "You really are a piece of shite you wanker."

Connor made a face at that, "Come on old man." He adjusted his position a bit awkward since he was forced to be tied up as he put it. "I know what happened then was just well shite. And I'm not angry anymore and you're here, we're here… Move on and face it." When Gideon didn't respond, he added, "Makes you feel any better, I learned that from my Da."

Gideon looked at his friend and replied softly, "Maybe a little but… You still pay the price. Don't think I haven't noticed." He pointed at his chest.

"And I'm still alive and bugger that Mitchell had to give me that call sign." Connor rolled his eyes at the latter end. "Seriously though, we're good. You're still my best mate."

Gideon looked at Connor. Maybe it was okay but Gideon didn't feel quite sure. He knew that Connor was still paying for what he did to him four years ago. Maybe that was his punishment for the sins that he had committed. Would he be forgiven? Gideon wasn't sure but Connor forgave him. Ilona did but did he forgive himself? Probably never. After all he did commit the biggest sin known and it was visiting heavily and probably for a long time.

* * *

 **A/N:** Gideon tells Connor about what happened after that mission that changed their lives. Of course Connor just has to be a bastard. Enjoy...


End file.
